10 Black Sheep

One thing I have learned in live is that velvet and satin, beautiful fabrics so pleasing to the touch do not make things smooth. A rough piece of wood will never become smooth by rubbing a piece velvet or satin on it. How does wood become silky smooth? The way it will is rubbing something not at all smooth on it f or instance sandpaper. If you touch a piece of sandpaper it feels as rough as silk or satin or velvet feels smooth. With a lot of sanding the piece of wood becomes as smooth to the touch as those beautiful fabrics that are so glorious to the touch. Such it is in life it is the difficult things each of us go through that makes us lovely; it is adversity or rather how we handle it that makes us beautiful. When Joe and I were about to be married we were counseled by a doctor of Gynecology I had at the time. I still remember him telling us about his little boy that had died many years before, I remember him saying “I am a better man from going through the experience. I can say the same thing having gone through the death of a beloved daughter Jami and the birth of a son that had intellectual difficulties has made me a better person than I would have been if I had not faced those tribulations. I think more deeply and I look at things in a way I never would have if I had not gone through those difficult times. I know that the Lord does not give trials to any of us that we are not capable of handling; it is our choice whether to let it destroy or strengthen us.
While we can learn so much from adversity we can also benefit from the sweet blessings of the Lord or in other words we do not go out and seek for adversity and when the blesses with something that brings us so much delight and pleasure we need not shrink from these blessings. As it takes sandpaper to make a piece of wood smooth once it is smooth the piece benefits from being polished with a smooth cloth. We do not have to keep sanding piece of wood that is already smooth. I have learned to take with pleasure the beautiful and delightful to the touch pieces of satin and velvet the Lord hands me.
Such it is with Meghan I wasn’t going to have any more children after Kristjan he was to be my last I thought so I had a tubal ligation after his birth many times after his birth I was so relieve that I had had the tubal ligation—the thought of having another disabled child were so frightening to me. There was so much to do, so much to accept with Kristjan. One day Joe was sent out of town for some training for his job, so was alone my Mom and Dad were in Iceland serving a mission I hoped that I would bet a letter from them as I had not heard from them for quite some time. When I saw the postman deliver maid to the box I ran outside to the mailbox to get the mail to my chagrin there was no letter in the box from them as I walked back to the house I turned my ankle and fell to the ground. I limped back to the house not thinking I had hurt myself to badly and began writing a letter to Mom and Dad before too long my ankle began to throb and when I looked down I saw it had become extremely swollen it hurt so very bad. Eventually I went to the hospital and had an x-ray while it was not broken it was sprained very badly and it took weeks to heal. I couldn’t be to my family what they needed I could not chase Steven or carry around Kristjan—I had to ask for some help from others; something I didn’t like to have to do. My family needed to have what I couldn’t do for them so I had to ask for help I lay on the couch for the remaining time that Joe was gone and others had to care for my little children. When I was in this situation I began to consider my desires and analyze what would bring me joy. I began to realize that I wanted ever so much another baby, a little girl and while I loved Kristjan I needed to experience the birth of a child that did not have limitation. I prayed about my desire and got an affirmation that it is what the Lord wanted for me. Eventually Joe got home and I discussed it with him he at first didn’t want to go through the slightest possibility of going through the painful experience we had gone through. After praying himself he got the same affirmation as I had received. It was not as easy as to just try to have another baby there were things that had to be done—I had to have the tubal ligation reversed and even then the chances of becoming pregnant were not absolute.
I went through the surgery and after a few months did become pregnant. It was a difficult pregnancy emotionally I feared that something would be wrong with her. I remember praying, please Lord bless me this time don’t give me another experience in building strength just give me the blessing of a normal little baby girl, she doesn’t have to be beautiful and even if she isn’t healthy somehow we can get her healthy.. please just give me that I ask for a normal baby daughter. The day finally arrived she was born yes a baby girl was born and she was healthy as well. I counted the fingers and toes and the doctors and nurses assured me she was perfectly normal. One day while still in the hospital a student doctor came into my room and said to me “do you know that the nurses in the nursery are saying your baby is the most beautiful baby in the nursery”? I had seen her many times but had not noted she was beautiful. I said: “is she pretty, absolutely was his reply. When she was brought to me I noticed how beautiful she was big beautiful eyes, beautiful skin she was gorgeous! Yes the Lord handed me a piece of velvet and the experience made me feel so loved.