10 Black Sheep

A SONG FOR A RAINY DAY

Once upon time not long ago, I close my eyes and it seems like yesterday, a beautiful baby girl was born. Fairy tales begin this way, but this is not a fairy tale. The events which follows really happened: It is about a princess though a very fair one, who came to this world from a great kingdom the daughter of a great King, God our Father, she having been crowned with a royal inheritance from Him.

Her story in some ways is like Snow White, for she had such dark beautiful hair and also fair lovely skin. In a way she was like sleeping beauty, for she now sleeps to awake another day. The way that her story is different than a fairy tale is, fairy tales are written by men or women, her tale is really written by God for while on this earth, she had her hand in His and He lead her.

She truly was like no other child, I know that every mother thinks that her children are the best or the most special; but I knew from the beginning that she was the child of my dreams. "Jami, her name will be Jami. If her eyes are brown and her hair is brown, we will call her Jami. If on the other hand, she is fair, blond and blue eyed, we will name her Amyjo". Hours before her birth Joe and I talked about the name of the child within me. We knew the birth of our second child was close at hand. Somehow I knew that I would be having a girl, boys names were never discussed to any extent.

Late that evening Joe took me to the hospital and early the next morning, a 6 LBs 6 oz baby girl was born. Joe saw her first and noting her dark hair said, "she is definitely a Jami11. She was beautiful; brown eyes dark hair and a radiance of spiritual beauty as well as physical beauty. Her skin seemed to be a size too big for her body and it was dry, but before too long her body filled in to fit her skin and her skin became soft and subtle. She was the picture of health and beauty, a perfect picture book baby.

The months past, her growth and development was always advanced, Before I knew it she was 6 months old. I was very happy, but overwhelmed as the mother of twenty-one month Roshannah, and six month 0 Jami.

About this time we moved in our very own home.

It was fun fixing one of the bedrooms as a nursery for my two little girls. There we taught them both to say their prayers. Jami took her first steps in our first home, about 12 months.

Then I was overwhelmed; those two girls got into everything. I felt so sick yes I was pregnant again. It became obvious that I was much larger in the third pregnancy The possibility was that I might have twins. Late in the pregnancy it was confirmed that I would have twins. Wow 4 children under the age of three we were overwhelmed! The late summer of 1977,1 delivered two beautiful babies, A baby boy first blond. The second a pretty little dark headed girl.

Jami was never jealous of the twins she did feel like she hadn't been a baby long enough, But she never behaved badly toward them. Always she loved them usually she was gentle; though sometime she was a storm cloud.

But she was extraordinary her beautiful eyes reflected the beauty within, her eyes were like telescopes, focused into heaven. She brought such a big piece of heaven to our home. At about 19 months, She started to sing songs. No angel in the choirs of heaven sounded so beautiful.

She loved music and she loved to sing. She brought joy to the hearts that loved her most, by exercising this special gift. She loved to share and she loved the truth. On the lighter sided she loved to eat. It always made us chuckle, just to see how much she could eat; sometimes, singing between bites.

Often I sang her to sleep I sang to her the songs I knew. Sometimes she would sing with me, as I sang to her, her eyelids would flutter then I gently close her eyes. Jami would give into blissful sleep awaking in a couple of hours most always cheerful

When the twins were about 7 months old we moved to the brown Split entry home One day she was with my mother for a visit, she told my Mother that she missed her brown house. She loved her home, and though she loved grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles, home was still her favorite place to be.

She turned three on February 17,1979. This was an important year in her life. It would be the year she returned from whence she came. In the beginning of that year Joe lost his job and this caused quite a financial strain. But Jami kept us happy with her singing. She had so much faith. She used to sing "Singing in Rain" 5 pretty. In July Joe found a good job which released the financial strain.

I got the horrifying feeling that Jami would not be with us too much longer. Scary symptoms began to manifest themselves, headache, vomiting, and towards the end, Bells Palsy and weakness in the left arm and leg.

One day when I was overwhelmed with fear, I knelt in prayer. I told God that I could not bear to lose her, that he could not take her from me. I was amazed that almost at the same time as I was saying the words, came a divine peace, a peace that is so hard to describe. The feeling that came over me was that I could do what ever the Lord ask me to do, and with that peaceful feeling, I did find the strength to say "Thy will be done".

"I thought she was His before she was mine. He who sent her here has every right to call her home". As I looked forward to her return from my mother, perhaps, Our Father in Heaven missed her, too. If her spirit could communicate she would say "I miss my real home Mama". I asked only that what ever was to happen, that it happen quickly, for I could bear not knowing any longer. I then knew that I could accept the will of my Heavenly Father, that He loved me, and that He would always be there for me. In Psalms 55:22 it reads: Cast thy burdens upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee. Indeed he sustained me, comforted me, and loved me but he would not remove the trial from me for it was his divine plan for Jamie to come home.

I have learned that though there are some and likely most trials that He must let us endure, and I said "LET" for a very special reason. Too much help probably weakens us we are our children and he loves us I believe as a perfect being he delights in us coming to our own solutions to the difficulties that face us. He listens, makes us feel warm and comfortable when we are heading in the right direction. To take the problem away would not strengthen us so he lets us suffer which likely pulls at His heartstrings as it would any loving parent.

The night before the CT scan was to be done Joe was late coming from work. I lay on the floor and I began to cry. Jami, who had been her bedroom came into the living room and ask me what was wrong. I pulled her close to me and I told her that I loved her, she said that she would miss me, then she hugged me, and kissed me, she then ran off to play. I knew that she was in His hands. I tried to put myself in His hands too.

Finally, a CT scan was done and it was discovered that she had a brain tumor. Surgery was suggested and agreed upon. On our way to the hospital I talked to Jami I told her that I would be there for her as long as I could and when I could not be there

Anymore that she could count on the fact that the Lord would never leave her alone. I seemed to really be talking to myself for she seemed already calm and not a bit afraid. She said "Mama thank you that is so nice of you'1. She was really comforting me.

The surgery was take place the next morning, then the answer "no" from the Lord, was delivered by her neurosurgeon, when after the surgery he told us that the tumor was cancerous, was massive, and was terminal. Our only hope was a miracle and I know that the miracle of life would not happen. I remembered the whispering of few months before. So instead of asking for the miracle of life, We prayed for the miracle of a peaceful passing. Of which, our Father granted.

On November 9,1979, less than 48 hours after the surgery, she died peacefully. After her death, I rocked her, and I sang to her, as I had done so many times before. The song I sang: "hush little baby don't say a word mamas going to buy a mocking bird. If that mockingbird won't sing mama 5 going to buy you a diamond ring". As I finished the song I noticed that her eyes were not completely closed I again gently closed her eyes. I gave her body to the nurses never in this life to touch it again. ON November 12, she was buried I symbolically laid her down after rocking her to sleep, later to awake, and she will in His time. I know her body sleeps, as her spirit continues to do the will of Our Father in Heaven. Soon, one day the Bridegroom cometh, and with His coming He, the Prince of peace, shall kiss away the sting of death, conquering it forever.

Her life was short, just three years and nine months, but in that time she brought such joy to our lives, she left such beautiful memories to last my lifetime. I think of the song she loved to sing "Singing in the Rain", and I realize that, to us all some rain must fall, but if we can sing in the rain, what joy can come to our lives. It is easy to sing in the sunlight, with the warmth of the sun upon our shoulders but to sing when our days are gray and cold, when we feel alone, this tells our Father in Heaven that we have put our trust in Him. So I try to sing when the sun goes down, when the days are cold for, I know the SON'S light always shines, and His warmth is ever present, and we are never alone, nor cold, nor without light, if we trust in God. I feel the Father can call me a just person if I rejoice in him in stormy as well as days of peace and sunshine. In Proverbs 4:18 it says: But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day. Trusting in the will of God will lead me through the darkness unto the perfect day, when death and sorrow is no more.

Anymore that she could count on the fact that the Lord would never leave her alone. I seemed to really be talking to myself for she seemed already calm and not a bit afraid. She said "Mama thank you that is so nice of you. She was really comforting me.

The surgery was take place the next morning, then the answer "no" from the Lord, was delivered by her neurosurgeon, when after the surgery he told us that the tumor was cancerous, was massive, and was terminal. Our only hope was a miracle and I know that the miracle of life would not happen. I remembered the whispering of few months before. So instead of asking for the miracle of life, We prayed for the miracle of a peaceful passing. Of which, our Father granted.

On November 9,1979, less than 48 hours after the surgery, she died peacefully. After her death, I rocked her, and I sang to her, as I had done so many times before. The song I sang: "hush little baby don't say a word mamas going to buy a mocking bird. If that mockingbird won't sing mama 5 going to buy you a diamond ring". As I finished the song I noticed that her eyes were not completely closed I again gently closed her eyes. I gave her body to the nurses never in this life to touch it again. ON November 12, she was buried I symbolically laid her down after rocking her to sleep, later to awake, and she will in His time. I know her body sleeps, as her spirit continues to do the will of Our Father in Heaven. Soon, one day the Bridegroom cometh, and with His coming He, the Prince of peace, shall kiss away the sting of death, conquering it forever.

Her life was short just three years and nine months, but in that time she brought such joy to our lives; she left such beautiful memories to last my lifetime. I think of the song she loved to sing,"Singing in the Rain", and I realize that, to us all some rain must fall, but if we can sing in the rain, what joy can come to our lives. It is easy to sing in the sunlight, with the warmth of the sun upon our shoulders but to sing when our days are gray and cold, when we feel alone, this tells our Father in Heaven that we have put our trust in Him. So I try to sing when the sun goes down, when the days are cold for, I know the SON'S light always shines, and His warmth is ever present, and we are never alone, nor cold, nor without light, if we trust in God. I feel the Father can call me a just person if I rejoice in him in stormy as well as days of peace and sunshine. In Proverbs 4:18 it says: But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day. Trusting in the will of God will lead me through the darkness unto the perfect day, when death and sorrow is no more.

She added depth to my life. I know that those telescopes (eyes) are still working only now, Sometime she focuses on us. In so doing, she brings us closer to our Father in Heaven, and I bask in the warmth of her celestial spirit, and I wait until he comes again.

I love her so