The Lion and the Lamb

I entered in Proud as a Lionso puffed up I thought Iwas King of the jungle.
Grand as I supposed I was; how easily I was caughtImprisoned and chained.
I came to HIM humble as a lamb my head bowed, my heart contrite.He picked me up held me to HIS bosom At last, I grasped, even being held, I was free.
Written by Kathy Black

TRUST WHEN I DO NOT UNDERSTAND
I left heaven sometime ago and entered a world of challenge. The world of which I live is not my home but rather I have been sent to school. I live here for a time, it is not given to me how long but I will remain happily until I am called home.
Sometimes the journey I have undertaken takes me to where the sun shines. Where I hear the peaceful sound of the brook as it babbles. I smell in the air the fragrant smell of blossoms and hear the larks melodious tone.
I trust He who sent me here, though sometimes I do not understand, why the road I have to walk is rough and seemingly unfit for travel. As I look about the road of which I must travel, sometimes it seems I am alone.
The storm blows in; the rain comes down—l’ m afraid. I try to battle the storm by myself I can not at times I just stand still and wait for sometimes the fog rolls in blinding my vision," Please Help", I franticly moan.
He, comes He has a lamp; at first I can't imagine how such a lamp could illuminate the road for me. Then I remember the feeding of the five thousand. I know that His lamp can light the way. I follow the light; I am not alone!
In my ears the sweet song of David echoes: "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path". I take His strength, I trust in him I follow the light and I remember home.
Written by: Kathy Black txt: John 9:12 & Ps.42: 8

Atonement

His hands descended to uplift me, hands having amazing strength Yet gently he touched my trembling chin.Tears of repentance fell on His nail scarred hands.
His feet walked the shores of Galilee, as He taught his Father'sways, then nails were driven through those feet.that left footprints, showing me the way.
Through His grace, He elevates me, I saw His caring eyes. Heard words spoken to my heart "go and sin no more".I became a witness of His love, His noble sacrifice, I saw Him bleed at every pore, knowing some drops were shed for me.
I give Him my heart, humble and free,and plead Him to abide with me.
Then he sheds tears of joy,His blessings fall On my repentant soulmy thoughts ascend to Him.
Kathy black 1991

Britzy bitsy beaners! Brittany is my last "black sheep" After Meghan was born I thought I was done--I had my pretty baby girl; it seemed like a nice time to end. But there was one more child in store for me. I was not too happy when I realized I was pregnant--in fact I was a bit upset I fully admit Brittany was a "oh shit" baby. I am so happy she came to our family, I am so blessed that the Lord sent her to us. I do not believe there isn't anything she cannot do she is so very talented she is non-judgemental and beautiful.

One thing I have learned in live is that velvet and satin, beautiful fabrics so pleasing to the touch do not make things smooth. A rough piece of wood will never become smooth by rubbing a piece velvet or satin on it. How does wood become silky smooth? The way it will is rubbing something not at all smooth on it f or instance sandpaper. If you touch a piece of sandpaper it feels as rough as silk or satin or velvet feels smooth. With a lot of sanding the piece of wood becomes as smooth to the touch as those beautiful fabrics that are so glorious to the touch. Such it is in life it is the difficult things each of us go through that makes us lovely; it is adversity or rather how we handle it that makes us beautiful. When Joe and I were about to be married we were counseled by a doctor of Gynecology I had at the time. I still remember him telling us about his little boy that had died many years before, I remember him saying “I am a better man from going through the experience. I can say the same thing having gone through the death of a beloved daughter Jami and the birth of a son that had intellectual difficulties has made me a better person than I would have been if I had not faced those tribulations. I think more deeply and I look at things in a way I never would have if I had not gone through those difficult times. I know that the Lord does not give trials to any of us that we are not capable of handling; it is our choice whether to let it destroy or strengthen us.
While we can learn so much from adversity we can also benefit from the sweet blessings of the Lord or in other words we do not go out and seek for adversity and when the blesses with something that brings us so much delight and pleasure we need not shrink from these blessings. As it takes sandpaper to make a piece of wood smooth once it is smooth the piece benefits from being polished with a smooth cloth. We do not have to keep sanding piece of wood that is already smooth. I have learned to take with pleasure the beautiful and delightful to the touch pieces of satin and velvet the Lord hands me.
Such it is with Meghan I wasn’t going to have any more children after Kristjan he was to be my last I thought so I had a tubal ligation after his birth many times after his birth I was so relieve that I had had the tubal ligation—the thought of having another disabled child were so frightening to me. There was so much to do, so much to accept with Kristjan. One day Joe was sent out of town for some training for his job, so was alone my Mom and Dad were in Iceland serving a mission I hoped that I would bet a letter from them as I had not heard from them for quite some time. When I saw the postman deliver maid to the box I ran outside to the mailbox to get the mail to my chagrin there was no letter in the box from them as I walked back to the house I turned my ankle and fell to the ground. I limped back to the house not thinking I had hurt myself to badly and began writing a letter to Mom and Dad before too long my ankle began to throb and when I looked down I saw it had become extremely swollen it hurt so very bad. Eventually I went to the hospital and had an x-ray while it was not broken it was sprained very badly and it took weeks to heal. I couldn’t be to my family what they needed I could not chase Steven or carry around Kristjan—I had to ask for some help from others; something I didn’t like to have to do. My family needed to have what I couldn’t do for them so I had to ask for help I lay on the couch for the remaining time that Joe was gone and others had to care for my little children. When I was in this situation I began to consider my desires and analyze what would bring me joy. I began to realize that I wanted ever so much another baby, a little girl and while I loved Kristjan I needed to experience the birth of a child that did not have limitation. I prayed about my desire and got an affirmation that it is what the Lord wanted for me. Eventually Joe got home and I discussed it with him he at first didn’t want to go through the slightest possibility of going through the painful experience we had gone through. After praying himself he got the same affirmation as I had received. It was not as easy as to just try to have another baby there were things that had to be done—I had to have the tubal ligation reversed and even then the chances of becoming pregnant were not absolute.
I went through the surgery and after a few months did become pregnant. It was a difficult pregnancy emotionally I feared that something would be wrong with her. I remember praying, please Lord bless me this time don’t give me another experience in building strength just give me the blessing of a normal little baby girl, she doesn’t have to be beautiful and even if she isn’t healthy somehow we can get her healthy.. please just give me that I ask for a normal baby daughter. The day finally arrived she was born yes a baby girl was born and she was healthy as well. I counted the fingers and toes and the doctors and nurses assured me she was perfectly normal. One day while still in the hospital a student doctor came into my room and said to me “do you know that the nurses in the nursery are saying your baby is the most beautiful baby in the nursery”? I had seen her many times but had not noted she was beautiful. I said: “is she pretty, absolutely was his reply. When she was brought to me I noticed how beautiful she was big beautiful eyes, beautiful skin she was gorgeous! Yes the Lord handed me a piece of velvet and the experience made me feel so loved.

Kristjan

The Covered Crown


A prince was sent to earth to live among the common man
His majestic identity covered by the shroud of disability.

Some turned away, some stared and some laughed as he tried to move through his life all covered up.

Some held his hand, and were warmed by his presence.

The brief moment of mortality is past, winter is gone; the shroud lifted.
Hence the conflict won, he wears his noble crown.

Those who turned away now look with awe at his royal face, and hang low the head they once held too high to see his splendid spirit.

Those who held his hand find upon their head also a majestic crown, and share with him the Warmth of God.
Kristjan amazes me when he was born We were told that he likely did not have enough brain tissue to support life--virtually a brain stem only. It is amazing how Our Father in Heaven has blessed him. He can put together his computer and use it to find information. He is honestly amazing. Yet still there are things he cannot do. I have learned to delight and focus on the the things he can do. His glass is overflowing not half empty or half full. He is so kind an patient and a great blessing to our family Kirstjan is my 6th child--my sixth Black sheep there are eight of them you know and that makes us the 10 black sheep.

Acts of kindness --- ( Joe gave this to me cause he thought I was having a sad day)

It is nice to know some one cares and seems to know when you are crying on the inside.

it is ever so helpful to know with him you can let your hair down and absolutely confide.

This is Steven my 5th born child. He certainly kept me busy. He was more time consuming than my twins were! Steven was a delight and came to us after much trial and tribulation. My twins were born September 9, 1977 and Steven was born January 2, 1982 between those two dates I had three miscarriages and Jami died one of the miscarriages came just two weeks after Jami died. Steven was just a little squirt but he was bouncing with energy He crawled at five months and was into everything my eyes had to continually be on him he was fearless! He was a very sweet boy and loving. The years passed by so quickly when he turned 8 and was baptised I realized before I knew it he would be grown and on his own so I wrote something for him reflecting my feelings : Baby boy wrapped in blue, safely held in loving arms.
Just a memory now, you left my arms for children play. Outgrew their use as a cradle but return for an embrace now and then.The days like pages swiftly read pass on and soon you will be a man.Yet how safe you were in my arms how satisfied.
Never would I choose you to enter harm way, I’ve Always kept you secure.Yet to become a man you must leave not only my breast,but also your child’s play.You must enter waters deeper than your wading pool,realize guns are real. Know war does not end, when I call you in for lunch. My apron strings are not long enough to keep you sheltered in your world.
Take courage my son. My arms are outstretched to you. Perhaps they won’t insure safety, just comfort, a brief sanctuary, and an affirmation of love. As I thought before I knew it he was a man and now he is married and has a wife and a little girl of his own... but I shall always remember my little boy.

I guess a blog is writing ones thought. So here goes. I have had a nice day so far to day. I took Brit up to the University of Utah and waited for her. I dove through the avenues remembering when Joe and I live there: the Apartment on 3rd Avenue and K street. we lived in a lower apartment from our bedroom window we had a clear view of Montana; How you say Montana? Well it actually was a car that parked there with a Montana License plate.

Then on N street between 2nd and 3rd Avenue was our second apartment. Oh so many years have gone by but in so many ways my heart is still the same. The last blog I wrote about was about my Jami and how she has helped me in my life how she has deepened my soul and how I still love her though I can not touch her and though I didn't get to raise her I know she is in a better place and that Our Father in Heaven had a reason for taking her.


I shall talk about my 3rd and 4th born now I shall start by saying when I realized that I was going to have another baby I remember saying to myself: " I am going to make sure the distance between my 3rd and 4th baby is much longer. I remember thinking before my 2nd appointment that it would be funny to tease Joe when he got home from work telling him that the doctor told me I was going to have twins. Well the joke was on me for when I went to the doctor that day he said to me: you have had a greater than normal growth spurt the reasons for this are: and he named a few possibilities and then he said as a long shot you may be caring twins. I could not joke Joe about it for it was a real possibility. As the weeks and months went by it wasn't mentioned again and I continued to grow larger at 6 months people were asking me if I was going to have the baby any day now or how many weeks late I was. Finally when I was over seven months pregnant I ask my Doctor what he thought and he said he would like to take an x ray so with 5 weeks to go I had an x ray I still remember Dr. Steele bringing in the xray and showing me two babes wow!! The day came for them to be born I was to have a C-section first David Ammon was born and then two minutes later Danielle Ilene was born. yeah a much longer span between 3rd and 4th pregnancy-- TWO MINUTES! They were adorable :David blond hair and Danielle dark hair; a doctor said of them" not only do they not look like each other they look like strangers passing in the night. The above photo is of my twin brothers each one holding a twin Dan is holding Danielle and David is holding David. (baby David is blond Baby Danielle has dark hair)